My Truth: Fibromyalgia Made Me Scared to Hug My Kids

 

My Truth: Fibromyalgia Made Me Scared to Hug My Kids

Living with fibromyalgia means facing challenges that most people cannot see and may never understand. The widespread pain, fatigue, and heightened sensitivity that come with this condition affect every part of daily life, including the moments that should bring the most joy. For me, one of the most heartbreaking truths about fibromyalgia is that it made me scared to hug my kids. Something so simple, so natural, became a source of fear and pain. I want to share my story because I know I am not alone in this experience, and I believe it is important to give voice to the hidden struggles of fibromyalgia that few people talk about.

Before fibromyalgia entered my life, hugging my children was one of the purest forms of comfort and connection. Their small arms wrapped around my neck or their bodies pressed against me during a cuddle on the couch filled my heart in ways words cannot describe. But as fibromyalgia symptoms took hold, those same hugs started to hurt. My skin felt tender to the slightest touch. My muscles ached with even gentle pressure. And what should have been a moment of closeness triggered flares of pain that sometimes lasted for hours afterward.

Fibromyalgia causes a condition called allodynia, where the body perceives non-painful stimuli as painful. This means that a soft touch, a tap on the shoulder, or a child’s enthusiastic hug can feel like an assault on the senses. My nervous system, already on high alert, would misinterpret their affection as a threat. A warm embrace could send shooting pain through my back, shoulders, or arms. I started flinching when my children ran toward me, not because I did not want their love, but because I was afraid of how much it might hurt.

The emotional toll of this was enormous. I felt guilt and sadness every time I hesitated before hugging my kids. I worried that they would think I did not love them or that they had done something wrong. How do you explain to a young child that Mommy’s body hurts in ways that do not make sense? That it is not their fault, and that I want nothing more than to hold them close without fear? I did my best to reassure them with words, with kisses on their foreheads, with hand squeezes, and with soft back rubs. But inside, I mourned the loss of easy, carefree hugs.

There were days when the pain was so intense that even the thought of being touched filled me with anxiety. I found myself avoiding certain situations where hugs might happen unexpectedly. At school pick-ups, family gatherings, or bedtime routines, I became cautious, always bracing myself for contact that I both craved and feared. The disconnect between my heart’s desire and my body’s reaction was one of the most painful parts of living with fibromyalgia. It added an invisible layer of emotional pain on top of the physical discomfort that already defined so much of my life.

Over time, I realized that I needed to find a way forward, not just for myself, but for my children. I wanted them to feel my love fully and to understand that my hesitations were about my condition, not about them. I began talking openly with them in age-appropriate ways about fibromyalgia. I explained that sometimes my body feels extra sensitive, and that even though I might ask for gentle hugs or to hold hands instead of being squeezed tightly, it did not mean I loved them any less. Their empathy and understanding amazed me. Children are often far more compassionate than we give them credit for.

I also worked on finding strategies that allowed me to enjoy closeness without overwhelming my body. I discovered that certain positions and types of touch were easier to tolerate. For example, side-by-side cuddling, where my kids could lean on me without putting pressure on my most sensitive areas, became our new normal. Gentle hand-holding, forehead kisses, and shared blankets during storytime allowed us to connect physically in ways that felt safe and comforting. By adapting how we expressed affection, I was able to reclaim those moments of connection that fibromyalgia had threatened to steal from us.

Self-care became an essential part of this journey. The more I supported my body with gentle movement, stress management, and good sleep hygiene, the better I was able to handle physical touch. On days when my pain was at its worst, I gave myself permission to rest and to communicate my limits with kindness. I stopped feeling ashamed of needing to protect myself from pain and started focusing on the love behind the gestures rather than the form they took. That shift in mindset helped ease some of the emotional burden.

Fibromyalgia teaches hard lessons about vulnerability, patience, and resilience. It forces you to find new ways to navigate relationships, including those most precious to you. My truth is that fibromyalgia did make me scared to hug my kids at times. But it also taught me how to deepen our bond in other ways. I learned to communicate openly, to adapt creatively, and to focus on the connection rather than the method. Our love did not diminish because of fibromyalgia. It evolved, and in many ways, it became stronger.

For anyone living with fibromyalgia and facing similar struggles, I want you to know that you are not alone. There is no shame in protecting your body while finding new ways to express affection. Your worth as a parent, partner, or friend is not defined by how you give or receive hugs. It is defined by the love, care, and presence you bring to your relationships. Fibromyalgia may change how you express that love, but it does not take it away.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why does fibromyalgia make hugging painful?
Fibromyalgia often causes allodynia, a condition where even light touch feels painful. The nervous system becomes overly sensitive, so pressure that would not normally hurt can trigger significant discomfort or pain.

How can I show affection to my kids if hugs hurt?
There are many ways to connect without triggering pain. Try gentle hand-holding, soft forehead kisses, cuddling side-by-side, or using words and actions to express love. The important thing is the emotional bond, not the specific form of touch.

Can fibromyalgia pain from hugs improve over time?
With self-care, stress management, and finding ways to
support your body’s needs, it is possible to reduce sensitivity to touch. Working with healthcare providers and exploring gentle therapies may also help lessen pain responses over time.

Should I tell my children about my fibromyalgia?
Many parents find that open, age-appropriate conversations help children understand and cope with the situation. Explaining your condition in simple terms can reduce confusion and help your kids develop empathy.

What else can help with touch sensitivity in fibromyalgia?
Gentle
exercise, mindfulness practices, stress reduction, and working with a therapist who understands fibromyalgia can help. Some people also find that desensitization techniques, such as light massage or using soft fabrics, improve tolerance over time.

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